Between What Was and What’s Next

Lately, I’ve felt like I’m standing somewhere between what I used to be and who I’m becoming. For the first time in a while, I feel alive again. A little scattered, sure, but refreshed. It’s like I finally came up for air after staying underwater for too long.

A few months ago, I barely left the house. I worked, I went home, I kept to myself. Now, I’ve started getting out more. I went to the movies with some new friends recently, and afterwards we just sat around and talked about life for hours. It felt natural, like I’d been missing that kind of connection for years without realizing it. I didn’t have to filter myself. I could just exist around people again. That feeling stayed with me.

It reminded me that I crave closeness. Real closeness. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to convince myself that being alone was enough, but the truth is, connection makes life brighter. When the house gets quiet at night, that’s when I notice it most. I enjoy solitude, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to enjoy it so much.

I’ve been talking to someone new, too. It’s still early, but it feels genuine. We’ve shared a lot already, and when we talk, it’s easy. I find myself laughing more. Feeling more at ease. There’s a calm in our conversations that I didn’t realize I’d been missing. I won’t lie, sometimes it scares me. It’s been a long time since I’ve let anyone in this far, and part of me still fears being left behind again. But this time feels different. I feel like I can be myself, casual, joking, affectionate, and still be understood. That means more than I can really put into words.

At work, I’ve grown too. Becoming a manager has changed the way I see myself. I used to blend into the crowd. Now, I lead one. I’ve learned what it means to take responsibility not just for a job, but for people. That confidence has followed me home. I’m talking to my family more. I’m opening up instead of shutting down. They’ve noticed, and I think they’re grateful to see me rejoining the world a bit.

Still, there’s a part of me that feels like I’m missing a whole other half. I’ve spent the last year rebuilding after a breakup that broke more than just a relationship. It stripped me down. I had to rebuild every part of my life from scratch. Before that, I didn’t even have a job. Now I manage a department of eighteen people. I’ve grown in ways I never imagined, but there’s still a quiet ache. The kind that reminds me how much I want to share what I’ve built with someone who truly understands it.

I’ve learned that some people really do hold you back. Sometimes love blinds you to your own potential. But once you step out of that shadow, life starts to move again. You find purpose. You rediscover what it feels like to be wanted and to want more from life itself.

I don’t know exactly where things are heading, but for once, that doesn’t scare me. I feel like I’m walking toward something real. Not perfect, not predictable; just real.

And that’s enough for now.

Published 13:44 10/22/2025