Money Lessons

$18,000. That is roughly how much money I have made since I started working half a year ago. $2. That is about how much money I have in my bank account. This is something I should probably be ashamed about, but I can't help but find it humorous.

Growing up, I never really got anything. Not from the people I was living with, anyways. I was adopted by my biological fathers new wife, and when they separated, he miraculously lost his rights. She and him had two of their own children, so when they separated, it was essentially me, my half siblings, and their biological mother. I had another half sibling from my father, but that's a very, very complicated story and for the sake of simplicity I will save it for another day.

So, as I was saying, I was the odd duck out in our house. I was the only one of the children not bound by blood to "mom," and she wouldn't let me forget that. I was constantly reminded of how I was an option, and that I was not loved by biological family, meaning I should have to work extra hard to be loved by her. I think her exact words were somewhere along the line of "I am obligated to love my kids, but I am not your mother. Loving you is optional." Doh! What a great way to raise a child.

Up until I was about 9 years old, my grandma on my biological mothers side of the family would visit a few times a year. She would bring my aunt and my uncle (who are actually very close in age to myself), and usually a gift as well. This upset my adoptive mom quite a bit. She didn't like the fact that my biological family was bringing me gifts, one, because they weren't bringing her kids gifts, and two, because the simple fact of them being in my life cracked her sense of control over me. So, she told them off, and that was the last time I saw anyone from my biological mothers side of the family. I would eventually reconnect with them shortly after my 18th birthday, but again, a story for another day.

Those gifts I spoke of my grandma bringing? Ha! To hell if you thought I actually got to keep them. As soon as grandma left, those gifts were either locked up or redistributed throughout the house. None for me, all for thee. Because remember, I don't deserve these gifts. I have to work to earn the love of people around me.

Now, the reason I bring this up is because it explains just how little I ever got. Anything I had ever wanted was a distant wish. I watched as my siblings got everything they could have wanted- phones, guns, whatever ol' country folks be giving out. So what happened when I started making money? I spent it. Damn near every last dime. Games, gadgets, gizmos, galore. All of the things I had grown up without were now suddenly a possibility. I bought new parts for my computer (not cheap!), I spent thousands on advertising for my failed startups, I bought a whole toolbox full of tools I have yet to use! I took my friends out to do things, started going to restaurants alone, bought my own food... you get it. All of that adds up.

The main problem here is that I feel as though I have nothing to show for it. I have spent so much money but have garnered such little satisfaction. Even worse, most of the things I've spent my money on are casual luxuries. I can't put most of it to any constructive use. Had I saved my money, I could have my own car! I could afford my own place! What's that saying? Hindsight 20-20?

It's been a big problem for me, but I'm not going to let it put a strain on my life any longer. Last night I cancelled nearly $250 in subscriptions. Most of which was access to software I used to run my machines/game servers. I had a couple of streaming services on there I never really used as well. Shoutout to Rocket Money for making it super easy to hunt them all down and cancel.

My goal for 2025 is to save. Save, save, save. I have a very frugal great uncle that shops at the store I work at occasionally. This guy probably has well over a million dollars saved up that nobody knows about. I think that's what I'll do. Cut expenses at every corner. If I don't need it, I won't have it. Where does my money go now? First off- a car. I need my own car. Outside of that, every dime ought to be saved up. I can't keep blowing my money. Think of me writing this down as a contract to myself. If I can't even respect my own wishes, how can I be deserving of anyone's?

Published 09:06 1/27/2025