My Relationship Standards

I had someone tell me I should write down my own standards for relationships. My needs, wants, and do-nots is what we'll call it. Here we go!

I NEED...

• Physical presence; touch. I cannot do long distance, at least not for extended periods of time. However, there are ways to alleviate this.

• Commitment. Long term is the goal. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

• Communication. I understand needing space. When it comes to actually speaking about things, though, silence is never an answer. If I or something else upsets you, tell me.

• Honesty. Be open, be truthful. Tell me when something is wrong, let me help you as best as I can. 

• To be a priority. Being your partner, I should be important to you. I will be treated as such.

• Affection/reassurance. Even if it is just small things. A small "I miss you" text while I'm at work. Calling me on my drive home to tell me the latest bit of life drama. Tell me you want me, that you care about me... stuff like that.

• Stability. No last minute switch ups or plan cancellations. Follow through with what you say you're going to do, just as I would.

• Loyalty. This one is self explanatory. There is absolutely zero reason to be entertaining other individuals while you are in a relationship.

• Openness with boundaries. Set clear boundaries. I want you to feel safe and respected, I will often ask you if you are okay with something several times before doing it. 

• Paired individualism. If that's even a real phrase, meaning we are both very much our own people but still cling together for that comfortability. One does not completely rely on the other for everything- we are both capable beings.

• Intimacy. It's important. Our little moments by ourselves that are completely unique to us. This could be both emotional or physical, just our own quirks that make our relationship that much more important.

I WANT...

• Shared interests. Even if there isn't a ton of stuff at the beginning, I would like to find things that we can bond over/learn together.

• Intellectual conversations. I need you to be able to understand what I am saying and be able to respond with similar complexity.

• Social compatibility. I would like to feel welcomed by your friends and family- conflicts could lead to issues down the line.

• Similar love languages. I, for example, love quality time, touch, and expressing my feelings to my partner whether that be through my writing or just speaking to them.

• Openness to try new things. 

• Shared future goals. I want to start a family- I want children. I would want you to want that too.

• Healthy independence. The ability to function even when we're not physically together.

• To be missed. I want you to look forward to me coming home every day. I know I'll miss you.

• Healthy habits. Morning walks, maybe the gym. Perhaps you enjoy reading. Something that isn't doom scrolling through social media or inhaling that next breath of delicious nicotine.

• To be shown off. Not necessarily in a bad or over the top way, but I want you to make sure people know I'm yours. I tend to give praise about my partner when speaking with friends/coworkers. You're important to me, I make sure people know.

DO NOT...

• Use/abuse substances. I do not use, I would like that from my partner as well. Social drugs are okay as long as I am present (although no use at all would be my best case scenario). 

• Be dishonest. Once that trust is broken any healthy bond between us may be as good as gone- I will most likely never be able to fully trust you again. Just tell the truth.

• Manipulate me. One, you probably can't. Two, this is just completely unhealthy and I will find solace in swiftly moving on.

• Neglect me/yourself. I have goals. You need goals. I want to be healthy, you should want to be healthy. If you cannot take care of yourself... how can you do anything?

• Participate in any sort of organized religion/let your religious beliefs define how you live. Your little book will not take away from how I live my life. Do not interact.

• Be unwilling to change. If I have expressed that what you are doing is upsetting or uncomfortable, you need to make change. If you cannot be willing to make me comfortable within your life, I should not be there at all.

• Be consistently negative. If there is no way I can make you happy- or your outlook on life is just so down-in-the-dumps that it negatively affects me... that's no bueno.

• Be reckless with money. We have goals, we have a future, we need to plan accordingly. Any big financial decisions should be agreed upon beforehand.

• Be dismissive. If I am trying to communicate my feelings with you and you either ignore or get defensive, you will be dismissed out of my life.

That's about it for now... I may come back to this at a later date to make some changes. Toodaloo!

Published 09:55 2/10/2025